10:20 AM
You Are Worth It
Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Do not set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
Do not take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as you would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.
Do not let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past nor for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.
Do not give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. It is a fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Do not be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances; that we learn how to be brave.
Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give love; The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly.
Do not dismiss your dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope; To be without hope is to be without purpose.
Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going. Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
-- Unknown
11:22 AM
They kicked ass. It was a fantastic concert that was worth every nickel of my $110. The Chicks played for 2 solid hours and had everyone on their feet. They came out on the stage to "Hail to the Chief", which was hilarious. I probably preferred their last concert stage set-up better, but the quality and energy was just as great.
Elizabeth and I had quite the adventure trying to get to the concert, with screwed up transit schedules and such, but we eventually made it. The train ride home was interesting since there were literally thousands of people in Union Station, trying to get home. Crowds are not my cup of tea, so I was happy when we finally got on the train.
Elizabeth leaves for Scotland on Wednesday, so I am very envious of that. One of these days I will have enough money to go with her...
The rest of the weekend was quiet. I felt crappy on Sunday from a lack of sleep, so I pretty much vegged out on the couch all day. Gypsy layed an egg Saturday night, so hopefully that will be the only one and her health stays okay. Having Mom at the apartment totally screws up the birds schedule, so it kicked Gypsy into egg-laying. Thankfully Mom is gone next Monday and their routine will return to normal.
4:39 PM
It has been the Friday from hell. And with Saturday still to go yet...
Chris is coming over for dinner tonight, which should be interesting. He hasn't seen my mother since she was in the hospital and still habours a fair amount of resentment towrds her behaviour during that time. Mom is completely unaware of this, although she has wondered why he hasn't been around. I've just made excuses but I'm sure underneath she knows something is up. It's very uncomfortable for me, as I have been able to forgive her behaviour during that time and appreciate the difference I see in her now since she has been properly medicated. Should be a fun night...
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
8:53 AM
Holy moly, is it cold this morning! I walked out to my car and it was covered in frost (and being the dumbass I am, I have no ice scraper). Hope it's warmer where you are!
4:19 PM
Okay, so apparently killing your employer IS illegal. What about co-workers? Can you hack their sorry heads off? If so, I know a little Filipino service advisor who deserves to be shorter by a head...
It is just so BAD here right now. My left eye is throbbing so badly from stress I think it will pop out. And I have to be here six days this week, so that just makes it so much more fun.
Some good news: Mom got approved for her apartment, so she will take possession November 1st. She probably won't do the actual move until the 2nd week after all her money has come in. Hopefully this will bring some peace to both our lives.
10:34 AM
Is it illegal to run around with a machete and hack off your employer's head? Just checking...
My mood was so foul yesterday I didn't dare post, and I'm not sure it's much better today but I'll give it a shot. Work is hell right now, but I'll spare you the gory details. Although I may go machete shopping on my lunch :p
The weekend was pretty good. I spent most of it with Chris, which was great. We went out for mediterranean food on Saturday-I had baba ganouj and chicken shawarma-yum! I dragged him off to the craft store and dollar store, which I'm sure thrilled Chris to no end (he hates shopping).
On Sunday, we went to Toronto to the "Everything to do with Sex" show. I wasn't sure what to expect, but Chris has wanted to go for the past few years just to see what it is all about. What a zoo. There were thousands of people there and it was really lioud. I am terrified of crowds so it was very unpleasant for me. Most of the vendors were just selling pornos, toys and junk. There was also some awful male dancer thing going on, which had a bunch of women screaming like banshees (I am not one for strippers, so this held no interest for me and definitely didn't thrill Chris, lol). We spend $40 on admission, $10 on parking and stayed for barely an hour. And what did we buy? Some red pepper jelly, garlic and herb dip mix and jalepeno cheese dip mix from the Wicked Gourmet. Needless to say, we will never go again.
We did have Indian food for dinner, which was awesome. Aloo tikki, pakoras, samosas and naan-I swear if it weren't so bad for you I could live off it. Very yummy. I just looked up some recipes on line for aloo tikki, rogan josh, tandoori chicken and homemade baba ganouj so I can't wait to try them. Oh look, I'm drooling on my keyboard...
Bright spot for the week-only 4 more sleeps until the Dixie Chicks concert! Yay! I can't wait. I saw them in concert the last time they toured and it was an amazing show. It was just after all the silly backlash about the president, so I think they were happy to play for a crowd that really doesn't like George W. much.
12:42 PM
Another week survived. This has been my worst week at work in at least 4 years here. I have been overcome by ridiculous expectations and am at a loss for what to do. Finding another job that pays even close to this will be very hard (and considering how little I make now, it really is depressing). There are days when I could go back and take my fifteen-year-old self and seriously kick her ass.
You see, I'm a high school dropout. My parents split up when I was 14 and I had a really tough time dealing with it. It changed me, made me reclusive, nervous and socialphobic. And this was right when I started high school. I couldn't hack the social pressure-the work was a complete joke but I couldn't stand all the crowds, noise, etc.
So I decided I just couldn't do it. I got up one morning during my third week of grade 9 and took half a bottle of Tylenol with about 10 oz of vodka. I headed off to school to await the effects. Needless to say, halfway through band class I had to rush to the bathroom and vomit. I was sent home and was dreadfully ill for a couple of weeks (I never told anyone what I had done, so they just assumed it was the flu or mono). I got better and my parents assumed I had gone back to school-I did not. I stayed home or hid out behind the house when Mom was on nights. The school assumed I was still sick. Eventually my guilt got the better of me and I confessed to my parents. I was sent back to school with my movements being monitored. I managed to catch up in two weeks for midterm exams and scored 100% on three of my four midterms.
But I still couldn't handle it. I started skipping again. I would take ringer off the phone so when they called my mom wouldn't hear it. I would steal the notes left in the mailbox by the truant office. One day, my mom beat me to the mailbox. She figured it was my marks or something from the board of ed-nope, it was a notice that my parents would be taken to court if I didn't get my butt back in school. Of course, my parents freaked. I was dragged back to school kicking and screaming but it was decided that an alternate program might be more suitable for me.
I started at Lawrence Alternative Program just before my 15th birthday. It was great, you signed yourself in and out, didn't get in trouble for being late-the place was a joke. I got in with a delightful group of kids and delved deep into the world of smoking, drinking and sex. I dated a small-time drug dealer, wasted all my work wages on cigarettes and booze and managed to earn zero credits in one year. They kicked me out and my mom moved me away just prior to my 16th birthday. This was the end of my high school career.
I went back part-time when I was 17 and earned my math and English credits but being on my own made working a priority. I eventually got my GED when I was 22 and had to laugh when I scored higher on the tests than 95% of high school graduates who completed the same tests (that's how they created the benchmark-by comparing your scores to graduates scores).
So that is the long winded story of why I didn't finish high scool. Even though I have gotten a ton of diverse job experience in the past 15 years, not having a proper education really limits your career opportunities out there. Hence why I feel stuck in my current job.
Sorry I rambled on, but it was one of those days where I felt like telling a story. Have a great weekend!
11:46 AM
This weather is the pits. I guess it could be cold as well as being rainy, so I should be thankful for that. It's just so depressing when you look outside...
Today is one of those days where I should have just stayed under the covers. There is a service advisor meeting tonight, which I am being forced to attend. So only heaven knows how long this blasted meeting will go on for, because I'm sure the whining will be unbelievable. I just know I am going to have more work dumped on me with this and am going to be pushed to start selling services. This sucks because #1) I hate to sell stuff and #2) I'm not the one making a big, fat commission of selling the service. Grrr. At least I get a free dinner out of it (although I know they won't pay me for staying for this damned thing...)
Mom and I went out for a bit last night. I picked up a bunch of embellishments for my scrpabook, which was fun. I completed the first page last night-I think it turned out really well but it sure took a long time (perhaps I should consult scrapbooker extraordinaire Kristi and her sidekick Scrappy for some advice, lol). I need adhesive advice, stat!
11:05 AM
I wish I was a duck...then this weather would be fun!
Last night we went to see the Trailer Park Boys movie. It ws pretty good-Chris and his dad were laughing their butts off through the whole thing (they are huge TPB fans). For those going "who the heck are the Trailer Park Boys?"-it is a Canadian produced show based out of Nova Scotia about some small time hoods who live in a trailer park and their misadventures. There is a ridiculous amount of swearing, so if the "f" word offends you, avoid these guys at all costs! The show just finished its sixth season and the movie came out on Friday. Chris just loves Ricky, Julian and Bubbles so I went mainly for him, but I did get quite a few chuckles myself.
For dinner last dinner, Chris and his dad headed out to the local grocery store for some chicken wings. They asked the girl at the pre-made food counter if the wings they had picked up were spicy. She said there was just some mild spice to them so they grabbed a couple of packages. HOLY MOLY! These were the hottest wings I have ever tasted-they were practically doused in Tabasco sauce! We had to wipe all the sauce off to even make them remotely edible, and even then our lips were still burning. Chris and I like spice, but these were ridiculous! Chris and his dad were ready to go kill the girl at the grocery store.
Hopefully some good news-it looks like they have an apartment for Mom come November 1st. We have to fax back all the paperwork tomorrow but hopefully it all goes smoothly. She is going stir-crazy at my place, so I know she is anxious to get into her own space. Have I mentioned how wonderful Lithium is? I swear, it has helped my mom so much it is amazing. Now if it could only make her less anti-social...
10:37 AM
Darn internet keeps crashing here at work. How am I supposed to surf, messenger and basically get no work done :p
The clinic was a bit of a nightmare. First, there was horrible winds and rain so I had a few no-shows. Then we had the worst customer EVER. Let's call him Mr. Butthead (I can think of much more colourful names for this guy, but I will spare you my profanity). Mr. Butthead comes in and grunts at me in way of a greeting. He then walks up to the presentation table where the items are for the door prizes. Mr. Butthead proceeds to take one of the hats and sits down with it. When another customer looked at him strangely, Mr. Butthead snarls "I pay $40000 for car, I keep hat". Then throughout the next two hours, Mr. Butthead interrupts our speaker a zillion times, complaining about problems with his Onstar, oil change issues and his general negative opinion about everythng (all in crotchety broken English). I was never so happy to see the back of someone on their way out the door. Our presenter, who does 3-4 clinics a week said that was the worst customer he has had to deal with in 10 years. Argh!
So I finally get out of work at 8:40 and head over to the drugstore to renew my prescription. I drop it off and the technician says it will be around 15 minutes. So I stroll around the store for 15 minutes. 20 minutes. 30 minutes. 40 minutes. My feet are absolutely killing me from running around for 8 hours and these group of kids are sitting in the chairs, so I can't even sit down to wait. Finally 45 minutes later it was ready. How freaking long can it take to slap somes labels on prepackaged drugs? Bah! Plus my mom was worried when I got home because I was gone so long and the weather was horrid.
But there was at least a little good news yesterday. The moronic twit that sits at our reception desk has finally decided to quit. Good riddance, I say. Let's hope they can actually hire someone competent this time around.
8:52 AM
Holy cow, is it miserable out. It is raining cats and dogs and isn't supposed to let up until Saturday. What is this, England?
Another sleepless night, due to it being too bloody hot in my bedroom and my mind just wouldn't shut off. I am wicked tired and in dire need of a nap. The urge to pull a George Costanza and sleep under my desk is overwhelming.
I have a car care clinic today, so I will be at work until 9:00 tonight. It will be a crazy day of running around, buying food and supplies, setting up tables and chairs, kicking people's butt to get them to clean out the showroom and shop. By the time the clinic hits, I usually look like a drowned rat from running about and sweating so much. The rain is not going to help with the drowned rat look either...
2:52 PM
This is Chris' sister's cat, Callie. We brought a huge bag of peanuts and kept putting nuts out on the deck. Callie had a blast watching the different animals that came to snatch up the nuts.
The chipmunk..
The squirrel...
and the blue jay.
There was also a deer mouse but he was way too quick for me to snap a picture.
2:24 PM
This was on the way into the cottage Friday night. The water was like glass. Friday night was the Harvest moon, which was amazingly bright. My pictures of said moon look cruddy, so I will spare you their awfulness.
Saturday morning was sunny but crisp. Chris doesn't look too Canadian with that toque, eh?
Sunday was a truly beautiful day, warm and sunny. Unfortunately I spent most of it trying to nap.
The colours had changed on the trees about a week and a half ago, so the colours were pretty muted, which I was disappointed with. Ah, well. Mother Nature won't wait for you.
10:14 AM
For extra work I had done on a project for my general manager, he offered to pay for Chris and I to go out to dinner. I took him up on it last night and we went to the Bombay Grill. I have been slowly trying different eastern and mediterrean dishes, so I was excited to go to an Indian restaurant. Oh, man was it GOOD. We has mixed appetizers of samosas, aloo tikki (spicy potato fritters with curried chick peas) and pakoras (mixed veggie fritters). Yummy. Then Chris had roganjosh (sp?) chicken and I had butter shrimp, with nan and rice. Incredible food, plus I think anything tastes better when you don't have to pay for it :p
Chris' sister Sam and her fiance Ian came over last night. They just got back from Las Vegas and had some amazing pictures to show us. We also got some great gifts from them: Chris got a cool mug for his tea and a CSI long sleeved shirt. I got a stuffed bear wearing a Star Trek uniform, a ginormous mug from Quark's bar and a personalized Star Trek keychain (this was all from Star Trek: The Experience). I will have to post pictures tonight of the bear-he is so cute!
I have to sit down tonight and watch the first episode of Ugly Betty that a coworker taped for me, plus Chris taped the 2nd episode of Heroes for me when I was sick the other night. I am looking forward to watching both of them.
It looks like Sam has her heart set on making a full-blown turkey dinner up at the cottage this weekend, so that should be interesting. Turkey is not cottage food fare, in my opinion-too much hassle and fuss. Plus I am starting to feel a little guilty about leaving Mom alone for the weekend, but I had to figure if she was in her own apartment she would be doing her own thing anyway. That really doesn't make me feel much better about it, but I will just have to live with my guilt.
3:10 PM
Ooh, have I got a doozy of a headache today. I think it stems from the delightful neckache I've had for the past few days. I really need to go see a massage therapist, but I am just to darn cheap to go. And a word of advice: do not go lifting multiple window air conditioners by yourself. My lower back feels like an elephant did a tapdance on it.
I finally got a hold of my grandmother and told her about the engagement. She was very happy and it was nice to talk to her. She lives about 3 hours away, so I basically see her about once a year, which sucks because she is an awesome woman. She is supposed to be coming down towards the end of the month to see the puppies at Dad's, so I can get in a visit then.
I had a pretty quiet weekend. I worked Saturday until 1:00 then headed out to Chris'. We went to Chapters and roamed around in there for a while and then had Chris' chili for dinner. Sunday was spent alternating between cleaning out my closet, moving the air conditioners and laundry.
There was a marathon of "How not to Decorate" on so I watched that in between my housework. The hosts, Colin & Justin were in Toronto this weekend, but I coulnd't be bothered going to the Home Show to see them. They are absolutely hilarious, though. If you don't know the show, it is about them going to the worst homes in Britain and giving them a total makeover. Colin and Justin are two very loud, blunt Scottish gay guys who do the decorating-they are just a riot.
This coming weekend is Thanksgiving here in Canada, so I am looking forward to the long weekend. We are probably going up to Chris' family's cottage, so it should be nice. Hopefully his sister's fiance doesn't drive us wacky with his incessant chatting and I hope the two of them don't get drunk, either. That would not make for a pleasant weekend.
And to Neicy: words cannot express how horrible I feel about what you went through this weekend. Please, please stay safe and strong and take care of yourself. I wish there was someway I could help you, but know that you are in my thoughts.
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