I so beyond stressed out right now. I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep since Mom went into the hospital on Friday, so I am starting to fray a little at the edges. And with the 200 km return trip the hospital, all my money is being sucked into my gas tank so food is a little scarce as well. Hopefully I can manage to get in a good dinner tonight after the meeting.

We meet with the psychiatrist this afternoon, as his recommended treatment at this point is electroconvulsive therapy. This scares the hell out of me, no matter how much I read about it. Mom seems to be okay with it and so is Aunt Lois. I am just waiting to hear back from Uncle Al, as he visited her last night and was going to read the literature the doctor left about ECT. My major concern is he will want to do bilateral ECT, which is the most harmful to your memory, although it has the better success rate. Perhaps scared was an understatement-I am bloody terrified about having her undergo this procedure. I realize it is a much safer procedure now than it was years ago (anyone remember One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?), but it still freaks me out. If we all agree to the treatment, she'll have her first session Monday morning, then repeating on Wednesday and Friday for at least a couple of weeks.

For someone who tends to avoid her family (aside from my parents) this week has been strange because I have had to speak with my relatives on a regular basis. I barely know these people anymore, having barely seen my mom's side of the family in the last 12 years. It's very strange, because I feel so disconnected from them yet we are talking about something as intimate as my mother's treatment and well-being. Sometimes I wish I had a family like Chris', that is comprised of all of 11 people (that's both sides!), including himself. I have 7 uncles and 17 cousins alone on my dad's side, so my family is freaking huge. Which is probably why I avoid them, because I hate large social gatherings. I will probably regret it someday, but I can't concern myself with it right now.