1:56 PM
I need sleep, lol. One of my favourite BNL songs...
12:57 PM
“I wish I would die.”
When the person you love more than anything else in the world utters these words, with tears streaming down his face in total despair and defeat, really meaning it, what do you do?
You try to tell him things will get better, hold him, be there for him, but what can you really do? I can’t make the healthcare system work any better. I can’t make his family stop being self-centered, inconsiderate, apathetic and completely unsupportive. I can’t make his psychiatrist step up and give him the care he needs. I can’t bring his mother back. I feel completely USELESS.
10:29 AM
Blech…
I have a brutal case of viral bronchitis going on that just won’t quit. I was finally back to work yesterday, but Thursday thru Sunday, 80% of my time was spent in bed. I can’t remember the last time I felt this sick. I just want to curl up in a hole with my germs and never come back out…
Can someone please explain to me why bimbos with blonde hair who flaunt their cleavage get away with bloody murder? I am stuck working with 2 of these women and it absolutely disgusts me how they get to live their professional lives by an entirely different set of rules. They both continually make mistakes, take advantage of time off…yet there are never any consequences to their actions. And those of us who are actually competent get stuck picking up the slack for these idiots. Beyond frustrating…
We actually got a bit more warm weather this week, even if it was rainy. The weekend is supposed to bring some warmth AND sun, so that would be a nice change from all the cold and cloudiness.
1:19 PM
It's so nice to feel some warm (relatively speaking) breezes blowing today. The weather is supposed to be subzero tomorrow, so I'm soaking it up while I can. This winter has been so cold and dreary...I will be relieved when spring finally makes an appearance and I can ditch my winter coat.
The economic downturn is even more pronounced this month...we've only sold 25 cars, new & used combined. It's scary. I don't know how our sales consultants are staying afloat, living on commission alone. The financial situation here in Canada is slowly getting as bad as it is for our neighbours in the south...
1:38 PM
Do you ever feel like you are drowning in the turmoil of your life? That's how I feel right now.
My job...a couple of months ago, my manager approached me regarding some restructuring he was proposing to the ownership here at the dealership. His plan was to eliminate the 2nd sales manager position and elevate me to Assistant Sales Manager, working directly under him. We had numerous conversations about the challenges of the job and areas I would have to work on to excel in the position...all of which I was totally gung-ho for. I was more than up for the challenge, as my current administrative position is getting limiting in regards to learning new skills. My manager had spoken to our owner about his plan and he seemed to think I could do the job with the necessary training and guidance.
So...when the restructuring plan was put before our newly minted general manager (son-in-law to the owner), he agreed with all of my manager's suggestions in the plan...except me. He did not think I was capable of managing the sales staff and working car deals and wants to move me to an even more monotonous administrative position. I felt like a ten ton boulder had been dropped on me. I'm disappointed, disillusioned, and pretty damn angry. Why even present this opportunity to me when the general manager isn't backing me? Why get my hopes up? Is it fun to make someone feel like they've been kicked in the gut and had all the wind taken out of them? And to pass me the drivel that this move to the other admin position is a positive one, and shows how much the company values me. Bullshit. If they valued me, they would have given me a shot at the assistant manager's position...given me an opportunity to prove myself.
So now I'm trying to figure out what the hell I should do. Do I stay with the company I've been with for 8 years and do I job I have no interest in doing? Or do I take the risk of moving elsewhere? I really don't know...
My personal life is another ocean of chaos that I'm trying to stay afloat on. Uncertainty is reigning supreme there as well, and it's taking a major toll on me.
I know we are all going through such tough times right now...my biggest hope is that the friends I love weather this storm and have sunnier days ahead :)
1:44 PM
2008...it had such promise to be a great year. Now it's almost over and I swear, it has been one of the worst years I have seen for me, my friends and loved ones. Accidents, health problems, financial disasters, heartbreak, depression...it has seemed like just after one crisis has ended, a new one begins. Sigh. When will we all find the peace and happiness we deserve?
Chris has been busy moving his sister into her new apartment in T.O., then he will start moving his stuff over into my apartment. I have been busting my ass getting the apartment ready...organizing, cleaning, purging, more cleaning...I physically hurt from all the work I have been doing. Which he probably won't even notice, given his current state of mind. His depression is still really bad, and the relations between him and his father are getting worse.
The holidays are going to be a trying time...his dad pretty much just wants to do whatever his girlfriend wants, with no concern for his children. Chris' maternal grandmother is refusing to come over for Christmas, since she is so disgusted with his dad's behaviour as of late. I'm heading down to my mom's for Christmas this year, since I have spent the last 2 with his family, and Chris is hesitant to go with me. It would kill me to see him spend Christmas by himself, since his sister has to work all through the holidays, but I won't disappoint my mom by not going to see her. I normally love Christmas...this year I just want it to be over and done with.
Work is BEYOND difficult right now. Being employed by a GM dealership is hard with the financial crisis, and threat of staff shakeups here at the dealership is overwhelming. I hope the government agrees to help them out...1 in 7 jobs in Canada is linked to the automotive industry (not ot mention MINE!). Hopefully the news at the end of the week is good...
9:13 AM
I haven’t blogged in so long…life has felt like it’s in a downward spiral and I just couldn’t bring myself to write about it. I still read everyone’s blogs and check in on your lives…but for the most part I don’t even want to think about mine.
Since the firing of our general manager in September, things at work just keep getting worse. My place in the company is very unsure and my pay plan fluctuates regularly. We had $1000 go missing from a deposit a little over a week ago…since I was the one to package up the deposit and put it in the safe, I am being viewed suspiciously. My job isn’t worth $1000…nor would I be stupid enough to steal money that is so easily trackable. Sigh. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop around here…
In light of the job uncertainty, I cashed in all my RRSPs (my retirement savings) to pay off my car and my credit card debt, in the event I do lose my job. So my taxes are going to be through the roof this year on top of everything else :(
On one bright note, in December Chris will be moving in with me. I am so happy that he is finally going to be living with me, but I’m not too thrilled about the circumstances. His dad is forcing him out of the house, along with this sister, so his girlfriend can move in. Chris’ mental state is a fright right now, with his depression continually getting worse. Sometimes I just can’t understand how selfish people can be…could he not wait a few more months...geesh.
Cross your fingers for me that my job will stay stable so I can keep my soon-to-be growing household afloat…
4:16 PM
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
It's all right, it's all right
3:39 PM
I love Jeff Dunham! The "Spark of Insanity" DVD is a riot, but Achemd is my favourite...
4:17 PM
I so remember doing this in front of the TV when I was a kid...
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