I haven’t blogged in so long…life has felt like it’s in a downward spiral and I just couldn’t bring myself to write about it. I still read everyone’s blogs and check in on your lives…but for the most part I don’t even want to think about mine.
Since the firing of our general manager in September, things at work just keep getting worse. My place in the company is very unsure and my pay plan fluctuates regularly. We had $1000 go missing from a deposit a little over a week ago…since I was the one to package up the deposit and put it in the safe, I am being viewed suspiciously. My job isn’t worth $1000…nor would I be stupid enough to steal money that is so easily trackable. Sigh. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop around here…
In light of the job uncertainty, I cashed in all my RRSPs (my retirement savings) to pay off my car and my credit card debt, in the event I do lose my job. So my taxes are going to be through the roof this year on top of everything else :(
On one bright note, in December Chris will be moving in with me. I am so happy that he is finally going to be living with me, but I’m not too thrilled about the circumstances. His dad is forcing him out of the house, along with this sister, so his girlfriend can move in. Chris’ mental state is a fright right now, with his depression continually getting worse. Sometimes I just can’t understand how selfish people can be…could he not wait a few more months...geesh.
Cross your fingers for me that my job will stay stable so I can keep my soon-to-be growing household afloat…
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes
Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
It's all right, it's all right
I love Jeff Dunham! The "Spark of Insanity" DVD is a riot, but Achemd is my favourite...
I so remember doing this in front of the TV when I was a kid...
Hide in a hole and hibernate. But I guess that's not a realistic solution, is it?
This past month and a half have just been horrible. The cancellation of the wedding has hit me really hard, a lot harder than I am letting on to anyone around me. I shipped off my wedding dress and jewellery today that I managed to sell on Ebay..that was heartbreaking, I adored that dress. I remember posting the pictures of it on here and being so excited...I feel like all my enthusiasm and excitement has been sucked out of me like a deflated balloon.
I should have known...I really should have known. This was the first happy, exciting thing to happen in our lives for years...I'm talking years overshadowed by sadness and disappointment and heartbreak...so I should have known it was too good to be true. I kept trusting that things would get better, that my positivity could push us forward, that working together towards having a happy life would make it easier. I feel so foolish, so incredibly foolish. I am a pessimist at heart, but I was so optimistic about this one thing. I always say expect the worst so you won't be disappointed...I failed to heed my own advice on this one.
But we learn from our mistakes. We build walls, we become more guarded, less trusting. It's such a shame, but necessary to emotionally keep ourselves together...
Sadness reigns in my world right now. The hope is that the sun will shine in the days ahead. The fear is that the darkness has only just begun...
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I'm cool, I'm calm
I'm gonna be okay!
Uh huh
Bif Naked, "I Love Myself Today"
I wish I could feel that way. I despise myself with such a burning hatred right now that it threatens to consume me completely.
I'm disrespectful.
I'm selfish.
I'm insensitive.
I'm uncommunicative.
I'm thoughtless.
I'm self-centred.
I'm unloving.
I'm abnormal.
I feel like some kind of a monster...
Can I be fixed? Who knows...
Chris and I are going to an exhibit tomorrow at the McMichael Gallery in Kleinburg. The exhibit is the artwork of Robert Bateman, who is my favourite artist. Above are some of his paintings, which of course, are the sole property of Robert Bateman and are just shown for example only.
From Denise and Kris' blogs...(I copied and pasted, so it is going to take me forever to put all the u's in favourite, lol)
favourite colors: any shade of purple
favourite color to wear: black, followed by green and blue
favourite dead singer in the last 30 years: John Lennon or Freddie Mercury
favourite male singer: Jason Mraz or Elton John
favourite singer that turns me on: I cannot think of a single singer that I find attractive...
other favourite male singer: Meatloaf
favourite Canadian band: Barenaked Ladies
favourite political Canadian band: Our Lady Peace
favourite Broadway song: "Memories" from Cats
favourite female singer: Natalie Maines
favourite female singer who is most controversial: Alanis Morrisette, if you can really call her that...
My second favourite female singer: Chantal Kreviazuk
favourite dead female singer: Cass Elliott
favourite folk female singer: Don't have one
favourite female rocker: Joan Jett
favourite folk group: The Mamas and the Papas
favourite rock group: Def Leppard
favourite album: "Home" by the Dixie Chicks
favourite song to make fun of: "My Humps" by Black Eyed Peas....ugh!!!
favourite vehicle: A new Camry or Accord
favourite instrumental song: "Music Box Dancer" by Frank Mills
favourite classical composer: Can't say I have a favourite
favourite new age artist: Enya, since she's the only one I know ;P
favourite day of the week: Saturday
favourite holiday: Christmas
favourite outdoor activity: Hiking
favourite toy: Digital camera
favourite food: shrimp, followed by steak
favourite fruit: cherries
favourite veggie: Mushrooms...wait, that's a fungus...snow peas
favourite author: Hard to pin down one...Raymond Feist, George RR Martin, Diana Gabaldon, Melanie Rawn, Peter David
favourite book: "Imzadi" by Peter David
favourite genre of book: sci-fi and fantasy
favourite poem: Not a fan of poetry
favourite female poet: see above
favourite horror book: "It" by Stephen King
favourite horror animal: Don't have one
favourite movie of all time: "Star Wars" original trilogy
favourite sci-fi movies: All the Star Trek movies, Serenity
other favourite movies: "Little Miss Sunshine", "V for Vendetta", "Batman Begins", "X-Men" trilogy, "Grease", "GI Jane"
favourite form of exercise: walking, using my gazelle
favourite tv shows: Smallville, Buffy: TVS, Angel, Roswell, CSI: Las Vegas, Firefly, American Idol
favourite sense: Smell, then touch
favourite way to pass the time: Read
favourite comedian: Robin Williams
favourite vacation place so far: Going to the cottage
favourite time of year: Autumn
second favourite time of year: Spring
favourite shoe: Sandals
favourite material to wrap myself in: Polar fleece
favourite phrase: "Argh." or "What the (insert expletive) ?!?"
