Dieting sucks when you are depressed. I reaaaaaly want large doses of chocolate right about now. Bah, why can't chocolate be fat-free, sugar-free and all that? If bloody broccoli can be good for you, so can chocolate. In my next life when I am some supreme diety, my first order of business will be to make all foods that taste divine good for you. To hell with world peace, I want guilt-free chocolate. End rant. Another dull weekend, didn't get up to much of anything. I did make it to the comic book store to pick up Astonishing X-Men. Awesome, can't wait until April to see where Joss is going with this.

Days like this, people around my workplace should be thankful for Canada's strict guns laws, because I could seriously go postal today. And the most annoying ones are the idiots who only got a job here because one of their friends got them in. Goes to show it's not what you know, it's who you know. The weekend was pretty shitty-Chris was still feeling sick and my mom had some interesting words for me on Sunday. I was again told by Chris that there will be no commitment if the situation with my mother is not resolved. And now she's going on about not staying in the city because I am too "involved" with Chris and won't have any time for her. I can't fucking win in this situation.

Another ridiculously boring day at the Hellhole. And time is going by soooo sloooow. I should have brought more volumes of Y :The Last Man to read-I polished off volumes 1-3 this morning. What an awesome comic, just fantastic. I can't wait to start Ex Machina tonight after I'm done volumes 4-6 of Y. Chris and I celebrated Valentine's Day yesterday. The afternoon was a flop, as he wasn't feeling very well, but dinner at Spice of Life was great. We had samosas and spring rolls for appetizers and Chris had a vegetarian fusilli dish for his main course. I had the Seafood Bello, which is a huge grilled portobello mushroom cap, covered in garlic mash potatoes with huge shrimp and scallops in a cream sauce, drizzled with a balsamic reduction and grilled zucchini and peppers. A-MA-ZING. We topped if off with a shared piece of homemade mango cheesecake. Major yum. Chris got me the Muchmusic One-Hit Wonders CD (awesome retro stuff) and a Team Canada hoodie in a fabulous kelly green colour, not to mention a really nice card.

Zzzzzzzzzzz. What a boring day. Does no one want to have their car serviced? I guess I shouldn't complain, because the phone could start ringing off the hook at any moment. Valentine's Day was quiet, as we are supposed to be celebrating it tomorrow but there may be a monkey wrench thrown into our plans. My mom has come down with a brutal cold, so the chance of getting her out of the apartment for several hours for some much needed alone time is looking pretty bad right now. I'm praying for some divine intervention to miraculously heal her (which really isn't true since I'm an athiest, bt I really don't want tomorrow to be ruined). On a bright note, tomorrow is my visit to the comic book store and since I haven't been in about three weeks there should be quite the stack waiting for me. I'm also going to pick up issues 7-13 of Runaways to catch up. I'm still waiting for my Ex Machina and Y:TLM trades to get here, but Popular Comics tends to take FOREVER to ship items, so it could be a few weeks. Saw a sad note on Peter David's blog-Andreas Katsulas has died. Any Star Trek fan will know him as Commander Tomaluk from TNG, and he played a fantastic villian so it is a shame to hear he has passed. On a depressing note, as of tomorrow it is only two months til my 30th birthday-please make time stop...anyone have a time machine, temperal thingamabob or something?

Another bloody clinic over and done with. I had 8 no-shows, which pisses me off to no end. Luckily, all the people we did have were really nice and seemed to enjoy themselves. I am so bushed- I have had such a hard time sleeping this past week and being at work for 13 hours yesterday did not help. Valentines' day is fast approaching, and I have no idea what Chris and I are going to do. I can't have him in and cook dinner with Mom there and Chris is hesitant to spend the money to go out. The whole damn occasion has me depressed, but I'll have to come up with some solution. Winter has finally arrived-this is the first day I have seen any large amount of snow since December, not to mention it's damn cold out there.

Tick tock. Waiting for the other shoe to drop sucks. Then again, it could be my pessimistic nature making things seem worse than they are. But I doubt it. Things usually are as bad as they seem.

I'm feeling ridiculously depressed and I'm not sure why. It's like I'm walking around with a big, soggy blanket over me. Menstruating is not helping the situation, either. Why the fuck can't chocolate be good for you?

Another quiet weekend. I went shopping with Chris on Saturday to help him pick out some new glasses-Lenscrafters was absurdly overpriced so we ended up shopping at Hakim. Yesterday sucked-I felt depressed and bleh all day and really just wanted to spend the day in bed. Mom's in Brantford for a therapist's appointment so Chris and I will get a little time alone tonight. We have our appointments at the spa this weekend, so I'm psyched for that. I purchased a shit load of TPB's off Ebay this weekend-Y:The Last Man volumes 1-6, Ex Machina 1 & 2 and The Hood, all by BKV. I am very much looking forward to devouring them-the comics lately haven't been really great, so something new will be welcome.

Hmph. Not much going on. I am very disappointed with the election results, but there ain't a hell of a lot I can do about it. Chris keeps trying to convince me that Stephen Harper is not the devil, but I'm sure the bastard has a pointy tail. Work has been strange, busy one minute, dead the next. No progress on finding Mom somewhere else to live, so that situation still sucks ass. On a positive note, I found a new comic book to read. Runaways by BKV...I just finished the first volume of 18 issues and really, really enjoyed it.

Bloody boring-ass weekend. Today has been ridiculously quiet for a Monday... I keep waiting for something freaky to suddenly happen, becasue it is never this calm. I feel like I'm going to yak as this liquid diet is not making me feel very well, but I've got to lose weight somehow. We finished watching Firefly on the weekend, so we're set to watch Serenity again. I must say, I absolutely loved Firefly...amazing TV series. If there is anything Joss Whedon does well, it's create and write interesting characters. Now I'm set to start watching my Roswell DVD's for seasons 2 & 3. I printed off one of those do-it-yourself will kits, so I can decide how to split up all the nothingness I own. Gee, who will I leave my Eeyore collection to?

Another bloody customer clinic. Ugh. The customers are great and so is the presenter who comes in, but getting zero acknowledgment for the work I do blows bigtime. For some reason the higher-ups seem to think I enjoy having a thirteen hour work day, hauling heavy tables and chairs, carrying bags of food and preparing platters, and getting nothing for it. They are deluded, apparently. Mom comes back from Brantford today after a two-day trip. It was blissful having the house to myself last night, although I wish I would have known she wasn't coming home yesterday so I could have had Chris over. We only have 5 more episodes to go until we are finished Firefly, which has been absolutely awesome to this point. It's a shame the network hadn't appreciated what a great show it was. I ordered season3 of Roswell on DVD, now I just need to find season 2 at a decent price. The diet is going well, so far, but I'm sure I'll slip up today with all the goodies at the clinic...ah, well. I'll make sure I go right back to it tomorrow.

Okay, feeling reaaaly terrible right now. I should have called in sick, but my boss has been through enough lately without me flaking out on him. I finally got some sleep last night after taking 3 clonazepam. I am not surprised by Chris telling me that the situation with my mother has him unwilling to commit to me. Not being surprised by it does not make it any easier, however. How do I deal with this? "Gee, Mom, you better straighten out or I'm going to be a bloody spinster"? Telling her any part of this will not help the situation, as I'm sure it will make her feel angry and guilty and say something stupid, as she rarely thinks before she speaks. Chris is harbouring a lot of animousity towards my mom since the blowup before Christmas, and I really can't blame him. Her behaviour that night was immature and disrespectful, to say the least. Unfortunately with Mom, once things are done with, she sweeps them away and forgets they happened. Chris, on the other hand, does not let go easily, especially when he has been on the receiving end of that type of treatment. I feel so sick from being pulled in all these directions, plus the stress of having her living with me, plus wondering whether Chris is going away to school, plus my job sucking huge...I need a vacation from my bloody life.

A New Year. Yee haw. So far, it sucks. Today has been the most insane bloody day at work, ever. I've had over 40 messages and it's only 11:15. New year's Eve was very quiet...Chris and I went out to dinner and then came back home to spend the evening with Mom. I'm back on my diet today, although I have none of the damn stuff I need to eat, so I'm bloody starving. Ugh, next person to wish me a happy new year is getting smacked.

Yay! Long weekend ahead. I went out for dinner with a friend from work last night...caught up on good gossip and pigged out (diet starts again next week). Chris comes back from his aunt's today, so I'm looking forward to seeing him. It's silly how much you can miss someone, even when they are only gone a couple of days. I'm not sure what we are doing for New Year's, although I will probably feel guilty if we leave Mom all alone. Not that I really care much what we get up to... an end to another year, not much different from the last.

Well, it was a nice, quiet Christmas. I got lots of cool stuff for the kitchen from Mom, along with the regular jammies, toiletries, etc. Sam & Merl got me new dishes and Madagascar. From Chris I received the Firefly series on DVD, Elf, a cool stocking hanger and a gift certificate for the spa (can't wait to use that one!). I ate like a pig and probably gained 5 pounds. I hated coming back to work yesterday, but someone has to pay the bills.

Six days til Christmas. Whoop-de-do. Normally I love this season, but my mood is so crappy right now I am barely getting any enjoyment out of it. Chris is a big Bah Humbug, so that doesn't help. Mom, on the other hand, is the epitome of Christmas Joy, baking til her heart's content and gleefully awaiting the blessed day. I want to kill her...not really, but I can barely muster up any Christmas spirit. Lucky is on the warparth...he is attacking Chris with a vengeance. He drew blood big time on Saturday. Damned cockatiel needs to go on Zoloft or something. Mom has headed off to Brantford til tomorrow night, so we have the apartment to ourselves for one night. We went to Dad's yesterday for the obligatory Christmas visit...obligatory on his part, not mine. I would happily see my father more than 2 times a year, but apparently the feeling ain't mutual. I got a couple of Boyd's Bears, FCUK perfume and some gift certificates. Chris got beer and to paraphrase the immortal Homer Simpson, "Mmmmm, beer".

Can I go home now? Please? I really don't want to be at work today. I only got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep, so I feel like a zombie. The Staff Christmas Party went well on Saturday, aside from some punk mechanic from our sister dealership who puked all over the foyer and put his head through the bathroom wall. A real class act. Did Xmas with Elizabeth on Sunday...got lots of cool stuff. Can't wait to start reading my GRRM book.

Oooh, the weather outside is frightful...damn it's cold. My office feels like an icebox. We are having a new phone system installed, which is having some major glitches, so it's been a quiet day with phonecalls. The trailer for X3 premiered yesterday, and I think it looks pretty cool. Only 5 months to wait! Picked up Fantastic Four yesterday on DVD, so I think I'll have a FF and Batman Begins marathon one day over the holidays. Our staff Christmas Party is on Saturday, so I am anxious for it to be over and done with. I do all the planning for our social events at work, so it's more hassle than fun for me. Plus I hate getting all gussied up, because it feels like no matter how much makeup and fancy clothing I put on, I still look like crap. I'm doing Christmas with Elizabeth on Sunday, so that should be fun (I know she got me the new George RR Martin book, so I'm excited!).

Saturday night was wonderful and thankfully went off without a hitch. We had a great meal at the Water Street Cooker and some great wine from Kittling Ridge back at home. The next couple of hours were spent doing things not fit to print (let's just say my new lingerie went over well) and then some pumpkin cheesecake for dessert. I got Chris the new X-Men legends game and his own Jessica Alba action figure to lust over (this gift was met with much rolling of the eyes). I got a box of Walker's Chocolate Mint Meltaways (yummy!) and Neverwinter Nights Diamond for my puter.

Then Sunday rolled around and I felt like I'd been hit by a load of bricks. This ridiculous wave of depression swept over me and I spent most of the day curled up in bed, sobbing. I think having such a great night alone with Chris made me so bloody upset because we get them so rarely. The thought of my mother coming back and how stunted my life has become really got to me. Chris is very concerned about my mother's place in our future and I am terrified I will be the one to lose out eventually, as this may ultimately be a big reason for him not wanting to marry me. And right now, that is the only dream I have, so doubting that it will come true has made me feel terrible.